Don’t Try to Prove You’re Not Drunk

Posted on 13/02/2012 by


Last week I started running through and editing the first few chapters of Wizards. Just a little. Just to make sure where I started and what I think I’m writing are actually the same thing. So far the editing has mostly been me thinking, He needs to be more drunk.

Which of course makes me want to ask people to tell me about the silliest/strangest/most spectacular thing they’ve ever done while drunk.* I really like telling true ‘that one time’ stories in my books. Because they always sound so utterly absurd, and the fact that they’re true makes me giggle.

On consideration, I decided the strangest thing I’ve ever done while drunk was a Masters degree. (Er. Not that I was drunk for a year and a half. Just when I decided to do it. And possibly some of the other parts. Although maybe not. I’ve deleted some rather large sections of time in there. It’s hard to say.) The silliest thing I’ve done while drunk is a whole other story. (And still, not really the silliest thing I’ve ever done. I can be remarkably silly while completely sober.)

I’m not sure I even have a most spectacular thing. I, for example, have never done a strip tease for my friends in the attempt to demonstrate my sobriety and grace. Unlike some people. Although that might be because I was taught at a young age that choosing to walk along a six foot wall is not a genius way to establish one’s sound judgement and lack of alcohol impairment. My parents were full of practical advice. They also told me, don’t walk into traffic and you should put holes in that before you put it in the microwave. Actually, I probably should have listened to that last one. But at least I’ve followed through on the don’t try to prove you’re not drunk one. Argue about it, sure. But feats of dexterity, balance and erotic dancing have been left to other people. I think it’s for the best.


* P.S. You should tell me. I won’t tell anyone. Or write about it in a book. Unless you want me to. Also I want to know if that thing where you find yourself singing karaoke upside down is just me or if it happens to everyone.