Me: [John Carter of Mars] reminded me forcibly of Flash Gordon.
Arkem: He is the saviour of the universe!
Me: He has a song and everything. In fact, if you say the word ‘flash’ in any context near Greg C or I we both sing, ‘ah-ah’ reflexively.
When I was sick once at about age fourteen I asked my dad to rent Flash Gordon for me to watch.* He accidentally rented me Flesh Gordon instead, which was hilarious.** I give my dad credit for assuming he just glanced at the spine label and picked it up without really looking at it.***
The weird part is I don’t think that video store even had a porn section. At the time I pretty much just laughed and fell off the couch and my dad rolled his eyes and took it back. Now, I can’t help wondering if the entire existence of that particular video tape was the result of a deep level of confusion from the ordering to its presence on the shelves. Or, you know, there was a clerk somewhere having fun…
* From the video store. Remember those?
** That he did it. Not the movie. I don’t think I watched the movie. If I did I can’t remember. To be fair, though, there’s about eighteen months in there I can’t really remember, so anything could have happened.
*** Although my housemate has questioned this sequence of events. Of course, he tends to think most stories would be improved with the addition of some roller skates and a bathtub full of yoghurt and I’m pretty sure neither of those appeared in this adventure.