My Relationship With Google

Posted on 11/04/2013 by

2


Handcuffed hands where the chain between is made of the word 'Google'

So this year I decided to transition to using Google calendar. I have a grown-up phone now and I really wanted to be able to check my calendar when I wasn’t on my couch. (Yes, it happens. Shut up.)

I’ve had a Google calendar for while but up until this point it’s only had the events other people invited me to. So January was like ‘crime, crime, Warhol exhibit, cleaner, crime’. And that sounded like fun, so I figured I’d go for it.

Me: I should probably stop wincing whenever I have to touch Google calendars.
Sharpie: It’s a period of growth and change for you I know and I’m here for you through this challenging time.
Me: Thanks. I appreciate that

I am in a long term relationship with Google that is both loving and moderately adversarial.

I adore Gmail despite our occasional difference of opinion. Google is, and always has been, my search engine of choice. The two browsers I use on a daily basis are Firefox and Chrome. We never sorted out our Google Docs incompatibility but Drive seems to work for me like it does for any normal person…

But I hate Calendar and wish it would change. I know it’s wrong to think those things about a loved one but I feel that if I’m compromising by actually starting to use the calendar then maybe Google can try to be more functional in return? (I also harbour some resentment that Google made Arkem move even further away, but this is mostly made up by their pretty bicycles and the cuteness of the little droid icon.)

Arkem: While Google is happy that you’re deigning to use their calendar, the best compromise that they’re willing to offer you is that they’ll let me come and visit for a few weeks.
Me: Fine. But I still think Google should consider making the calendar more functional.

I hope someday we’ll find a way to work through our problems. In the meantime Google is showing me how it feels about my lack of faith in our relationship by manufacturing bugs just for me.

Me: Yeah, but see, when I do it… (demonstrates Google’s brand-new madness)
Arkem: That’s a bit special. (Considers) Yeah, that’s just broken for you.
Me: I’m holding you responsible.
Arkem: That’s fine.
Me: Make it stop.
Arkem: (reaches over and closes my laptop)

Posted in: Kandace