Insulting Your Minions? Put Your Back Into It!

Posted on 12/10/2012 by


Me: ….I’ll have you gagged, beaten bloody and then forced to dress as a mime so others will know to avoid you. Is that better?
Rick: Yes. But maybe will know how much they need to avoid you?
Me: No, that sounds awkward.
Rick: Yeah, but, like the degree. Like there’s vagabond, man with a beard, mime.

I spent some time yesterday insulting Rick and getting him to grade the insults for creepiness, impact* and avant-garde creativity. This is a fun way to spend an evening. I totally recommend it. And I did not at all descend into using piratical or Shakespearean insults. Out loud.

I also think Rick is unreasonably suspicious of men with beards for some reason. Perhaps he has an evil twin.


* It is important to grade your insults depending on context like who you’re addressing and how much you want them to believe your threats. If they’re too ordinary they don’t even register or if your insult isn’t properly targeting the person you’re talking to won’t be offended or concerned, but once you pass a certain level of creativity the person you’re addressing tends to respond by applauding the insult rather than being upset. Of course when it comes to threatening friends you can give free rein to your imagination…

Me: What do you think?
Rick: I don’t know…
Me: This one is for insulting a deeply exasperating friend.
Rick: Oh, then yes.