I Make an Excellent Deity

Posted on 15/12/2011 by

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Danni: Christening was anti-climactic.
Me: Was there crying? Sometimes there’s crying.
Danni: Really? There was no crying. To be honest, I’m not sure that priesty dude knows what he’s doing.
Me: Perhaps that’s where the lack of excitement comes in. Also, there usually aren’t rocket launchers. Which, you know, would liven things up.
Danni: I feel like you’d put on a much better christening.
Me: I totally would 🙂
Danni: You should start your own religion. it would go like this YOU WANT DEATH AND REBIRTH?!? rocket launchers
Me: I am so already on top of that.
Danni: Writing a series of fiction books that will be co-opted by a bunch of cultists?
Me: Actually, I just declared myself God. Or Kitty did it. She has a t-shirt that says, ‘first disciple of Kandace’ on it. And a few other people have agreed that I would make an excellent deity. I used to be Rick’s religion on Facebook too… not sure if that’s still true.
Danni: Kandyism
Me: See? Doesn’t that totally sound like a good religion to get behind? And I’m really quite laid-back for a cult leader. As long as they acknowledge my godhood I mostly let them go about their business as usual.
Danni: Just the occasional divine retribution so they know who their God is?
Me: Well, sure. You can’t be a proper god if you don’t know how to do the smiting thing. And rocket launchers are excellent for that.
Danni: Aaah.
Me: I have a theory that all the old school smiting in the bible was rocket launchers too. Maybe the occasional grenade. They just didn’t know what to call them. It was all ‘power of god’ not ‘napalm in the morning’. But it’s good these days. You can probably outsource a lot of the heavy lifting…
Danni: Aliens or time travellers?
Me: Ooh. That’s a tough call. Probably aliens. I love time travel but it’s almost never really convincing. Whereas ‘god is an alien’ is something I can totally get behind. Like humanity was a shiny toy to start with so old school god was all in there, playing around and making up commandments and smiting, and then he grew up a bit and was all ‘love each other’, and then he got bored and wandered off… ‘God is an alien who is mentally seven years old’ makes sense on a lot of levels to me.

 

Posted in: Kandace