Happy Whatever Shut Up Now

Posted on 08/12/2011 by


Generally I like this time of year. Everyone stops working at the same time. Except for those that don’t. And Paul S., who actually volunteers to work over the holidays. Okay, so ‘everyone’ might be an exaggeration, given I can’t even say ‘everyone in my house’…

Well, I like the songs that you only hear at this time of year. Until you hear them for the third, fourth, gazzillionth time and then I get the urge to strangle someone with their own glockenspiel.

And the decorations can be really pretty. Except when they’re crass and commercial and plasticky and put up in October.

Q: Why do you have a Christmas tree up so early? Please choose from the following options.  A. I  come from an ancient line of lumberjacks who display the decorated corpses of our prey once a year. I am a terrible lumberjack, so my tree is fake. B.  We are currently experiencing the seasonal migration of the North American Christmas tree. Identified by its diminutive stature and colorful plumage, this dwarf variety has arrived early to nest in the evidence receiving area and can be expected to continue its journey in January. C. Time Lords. It's really rather complicated but it was necessary to save Christmas from the Daleks. Also: don't blink. D. It's pretty and I like it.

Valid excuses for early decoration.

And I like having my family together (because my family is awesome). Except my family is teeny tiny to start with and with one thing and another I’m down to something like two family members in town this year.

Actually, I think it’s because I like traditions. There’s something comforting to the repetition of ceremonial acts… Although, it should be pointed out that my fondness for tradition isn’t based on like experience or anything. Almost every tradition I have ever been a part of has then been efficiently dismantled in one way or another. But I really like the idea of the continuity implied in the idea of tradition (if not the idiocy that is often undertaken in the name of them).

Also I like giving people presents in boxes. With ribbons. Actually, I’d be pretty happy just giving people boxes with ribbons. But I think most people over the age of five would be disappointed by that.

Of course, you never know. I had the gift giving pixie at gunpoint the other day — you know how that goes. All I wanted was information, but the mark *cough* I mean, my friend/brother was thoroughly unconcerned. He very almost let me… well. The pixie’s fine, by the way. But it did make me wonder…

Me: Your apparent disregard for the gift pixie’s welfare is quite troubling. Perhaps secretly you belong to a cabal out to destroy lesser known holiday representatives?

Or maybe he just wanted an empty box tied up with ribbons. A giant empty box… A box that you could climb inside. And paint! And cut windows in. And pretend was a robot! And… And now I’m wondering why I’m sitting here at my computer instead of playing with the giant box in my garage. Scuse me. I’ll be back in a bit.


Posted in: Kandace