My Laptop and I Are Fighting Again

Posted on 06/12/2011 by


Me: Pan and I are fighting again.
Claire: What does he want this time?
Me: To drive me insane as far as I can tell.
Paul S: It’s working.
Me: Thanks. (sigh) At least you didn’t say I’m already insane.

Which I thought was quite kind of them given they’d been hearing screaming and assorted cries of anguish, of Seriously? and What? and on one occasion, Why you do this to me, Lucy? from my lair for several hours.

I talk to my computer a lot, okay? I don’t have a cat anymore and I spend more time with Pan than I do with any real live people. He reads my book aloud to me sometimes, I laugh at his accent and make him sing. He takes awful pictures of me and makes subtle comments about how long I’ve been staring into space instead of writing.

And sometimes we fight.

Last week, following repeated groans of horror:
Me: Argh! Why do you hate me Miguel?
Paul S: Oh, it’s Miguel, not Pan?
Me: Well, it’s Miguel and Pan working together. And what they’re working together to do, apparently, is crash iTunes.
Paul S: So, they’re working together to screw you over.
Me: Yeah, basically.

But yesterday Pan took it to a whole new level. He started the day by crashing and then proceeded to freeze, and hang every damn thing. It is stunningly annoying to have your computer freeze up on you every five or ten minutes, stick it’s proverbial fingers in its ears and hum, I can’t hear you! I spent most of the day not sharing a stream of profanity with the world by sheer force of will. Well, that and my main connection to the outside world wasn’t speaking to me.

I know it’s a computer. One which as of right now has not gained sentience. I believe. Although the wholly perverse timing of some of his stunts yesterday had a kind of malicious glee to them that I find difficult to wholly dismiss.

And then this. Screenshot of notification that states: "Caution: Drive Failing!"

I know Pan’s an object but he’s also my friend. A friend who, it turns out, has a potentially fatal disease. And I spent the day yelling at him. (In between torturing someone in fiction, so you know, I’m not a very nice person all round today.) So now I feel guilty twice over how I’ve acted toward figments of my imagination. I think I need to get some sleep. Also Pan needs a hard drive transplant. Think nice thoughts for him, kay?

Jared: Have you slept at all this week?
Me: (Thinks.) I slept on Wednesday. No guarantees after that.


Posted in: Kandace