I Think I Just Set Something On Fire

Posted on 22/11/2011 by

5


I’m stuck. I know what happens next but the scene I’m writing feels… flat. Two dimensional. And it doesn’t lead in to the next thing. It just… stops. I feel like I’m dragging the words out by main force. Which is not my favourite way to write. The last few days it’s all been one of two modes: stumbling ahead painfully in the dark or utterly unable to focus.

Sometimes when I say, ‘I can’t focus’, I mean I’m feeling crappy or I don’t know what I’m doing, but sometimes I literally can’t focus. I can’t bring my eyes to connect with the words on the page, they just sort of slide away. I feel like a computer without enough processing power for the task. There’s just not enough headspace for a whole world, can’t hold onto their personalities clearly enough in my mind to extract their thoughts, can’t spin the planets they’re standing on. Can’t.

Rick: How’s your day going anyway?
Me: Er. All in bits and pieces. Wizards are happening now. At least I think they’re happening. I think I just set something on fire.
Rick: In the book?
Me: Yes. Don’t worry. The house is intact.
Rick: Phew. You’re a wonderful bear. Who mostly doesn’t set fire to the house. (Except for that one time.)
Me: One time. No one ever forgets.

Maybe it’s just that my head is all over the place and I’ll be able to come back to it tomorrow with a clearer mind and edit it back into what it should be. Maybe.

But in the meantime it’s niggling at me.

I keep getting distracted from the internet (yes from, not by) and end up staring into space, trying to wrestle the story into submission. (And for some reason that comes out ‘rassle’ in my head in the most absurd accent. Which doesn’t help.) And then I’m not sure if I’m making progress or just staring at the ceiling.

Generally as a matter of course I’m doing three things at once, because that way there’s less down time. But then there are some days where the very idea of doing two things in a row makes me feel tired, so I won’t even consider it. I’ll just… go over here. And do this one thing. Okay, two. But THAT ONE DOESN’T COUNT. Cause I’m not thinking about it. Not.

Bleh. My brain is stupid and would clearly operate better with more sleep. Meanwhile, because I feel silly whining about my trouble with absolutely nothing, I will offer you this illustration of perspective:

Minamalist sketch of a person and a dinosaur talking. The person is complaining about small annoyances of his day. The dinosaur replies with, "Everyone I ever loved is dead." The person takes a moment to feel bad and then says, "Sorry."