In Retrospect, I Should Have Seen It Coming

Posted on 17/10/2011 by



Was spent relating to a sociopath and questioning the limits of my self-control. And, you know, causing people to laugh at me.

Me: …that’s normal, right?
Arkem: Indeed
Me: Oh good. I’m… not totally sure what constitutes normal right now.
Arkem: Is it important? …. And shouldn’t you be working?
I am! I am! Totally working. Right now. Just… brain in six places. Weird. And one of them is with you.
Arkem: It must be nice to be in so many places at once.
Me: It’s… disorienting. Usually I’m just in three places. Six is… my mind is in pieces.

I have three tracks normally. Three is fine. And there’s an order of priority. I can ignore two and three if one is important. Today there are six. And none of them are listening to each other. None of them are on top. They’re just all at once.

Rick: How’s it going?
Me: Don’t know. Good, I think? Brain in six places at once today. Hard to focus on any of them. But they seem to be coming along well in any case. Just… all at once. My brain has been a series of sparking What the hell ‘s today. My own brain interrupting itself is… kind of unreasonable.
Rick: My brain does that all the time
Me: How do you stand it?


I spent lying upside down on the couch alternately talking about writing and napping while someone else read my words. Perfectly natural. Except it wasn’t my couch. And then I slept for fourteen hours. Not precisely in a row because there was the part where I had a war with my blankets and the other part where Rick fed me cheese and orange juice at 3am. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened. But it’s entirely possible we’re dealing with an unreliable narrator.


Did you know it’s really quiet if you’re out in the world at 7am on a Sunday? There’s sunshine and no cars and nobody laughs at you when you fall asleep across the table while you’re waiting for someone nice with fluorescent pink hair in rockabilly curls to bring you breakfast.

The world is peaceful and you look up and… the power lines are falling! And it takes a moment to remember they’re in the process of taking them down and digging them into the ground. Which is a good thing. A Good Thing. Also they will not electrocute you through the earth. Grounded. Grounded. Plus, you know, pipes and things.

Rick: It’s going to look strange without them. What will stop us falling into the sky?
Me: You know the power lines aren’t actually what stops us falling into the sky, right?
Rick: They’re not? Then what does?
Me: Gravity. It’s a cool yet inexplicable force that likes to hit people in the head with apples cause it thinks it’s funny.
Rick: So it’s the crazy uncle?
Me: Yes. Gravity is the crazy uncle.

Which is not in itself odd. I have thoughts and conversations like this all the time. It’s just they generally don’t feel so profound.

And then I spent the afternoon lying on the couch (my couch!) listening to Sherlock and trying to figure out why the words in my search bar were ‘beer nuts’. Why on earth was I trying to find that phrase in a web page?


Every time I stand up it’s a mistake.

What have we learned from this? When weird takes a slide into surreal pay attention. I mean, I was a little disgruntled by the fact that my brain wasn’t behaving itself but I clearly wasn’t overly concerned that my brain was… I was going to say ’wan’t firing on all cylinders’ but perhaps it would be more accurate to say it was firing them all at once, just out of sequence and possibly to a metal beat beyond recommended tolerances… But clearly I should have read that as: Warning. Your head is going to become incapable of holding itself up for a while. Any thinking or eating you were planning in the short term should be accomplished now, otherwise it will have to wait till some time next week.

So next time my brain starts up its own chorus line I will… probably drag up a chair, grab some popcorn and watch. But at least I will have only myself to blame. (And yes, I’m going to the doctor where the pretty pills come from and all will be good because the drugs are magic and they make your head stay attached to your body and the world stay the right colours and time keep happening at the regular speed and I need some more orange juice…)


Posted in: Kandace