Dreaming the Melodrama of the Teen Experience

Posted on 23/09/2011 by

2


I am trashed out of my skull. No, not with the alcohol. I am not drunk. Why do people keep asking me that? I am just… not on speaking terms with the sandman right now. I tried staying in bed thinking, Sleep now. Sleep is good. Sleep is my friend. We should all be friends like sleep. But the part of my brain that’s in charge of consciousness ignored that on account of idiocy while the part of it that listens to the things that come out my mouth said, What? What kind of sense does that even make?

Of course, it’s possible my brain just doesn’t want to give up on conscious control because every time it has in the last three days I’ve had really disturbing dreams. On Tuesday I dreamed I could travel in time for police business. Which sounds cool but was in fact really creepy.

And the last two nights I’ve been channeling teen angst, which is weird. Cause I’m not even writing angst at the moment, let alone having it in my life. And yet…

Yesterday I woke up crying.

With this overriding feeling of horror and dismay at the unfairness of being just old enough to know what’s right and being just young enough to be unable to do anything about it. And the sense of betrayal in learning that the people you trust — the parents and authority figures in your life — are still human, still petty and greedy and blind. And just because something is true doesn’t mean they will see it, just because something is right doesn’t mean they will believe it. And just because you can see disaster coming doesn’t mean you’ll be able to stop it.

I mean, for heaven’s sake, I haven’t been twelve in some time and I wasn’t that much of a moody adolescent even then. I was more apathetic with a side of grumpy. Dreaming the melodrama of the teen experience is not exactly restful.

Plus it has a bleed over effect. It makes sentences like this seem perfectly reasonable:

Sandman hates me. My brain hates me. Even the garbage men are against me.

I don’t think they really hate me. They just took my old freezer away. Which is kind of their job. But in the process they did frustrate my nascent plan to turn the freezer into a rocket ship and thus keep it in my life.

Rick: To go with your TARDIS
Me: Yes.
Rick: The new freezer has more of a rocket shape anyway.
Me: Yeah. But it’ll be years before I get the chance to turn that into a rocket ship. Years.

Still. I guess I have that to look forward. But I can’t bond with the new freezer right now because it’s night and it’s cold and that would be weird*. So I am going to sit quietly over here until the sandman stops laughing at me, or I pass out, or something.

 

*  Yes, I do draw the line somewhere. And apparently that place is forming attachments to white goods at 2am.

 

Posted in: Kandace