How Do I Love My Speakers? Let Me Count the Ways: One… ALL OF THEM.

Posted on 07/03/2013 by


I want to write an ode to my speakers because I love them very much. I am not actually going to because my poetry is ghastly and, let’s be honest, I don’t think my speakers care that much. They are entirely indifferent when I coo at them and pet them, I doubt lyrical couplets would be any different. Hey, stop looking at me like that. They’re pretty. Existentially. Although also physically.

Black wooden 5.1 speaker system of exceptional charm and grace

They make me feel like I’ve got a drum kit beneath my feet. Makes me all nostalgic.

Raven: I have come to a realisation, by the way…
Me: Mm?
Raven: I think you have an unnatural need for bass.
Me: Um… yes?
Raven: Been listening to my speakers since yesterday. Still happy with them.
Me: They are very nice. And at an appropriate volume you can feel the bass.
Raven: It just surprised me.
Me: I just want to feel it all the time. All the depth 🙂
Raven: I fear for your house’s foundations 🙂

I had been baby-sitting his speakers (which were lovely, but did not include a subwoofer). And they utterly spoiled me for sound (which, okay, yes, was the point of borrowing them). Before that point the best speakers I owned were in my car (which is not quite as terrible as it sounds, the speakers in our car are probably worth more than the car. Still).

Raven is also the one who helped me find my speakers. He used his speaker-knowledge-fu to help me translate ‘I’m a drummer, want good sound’ into something I could put in my living room and feel. (He took me to a bunch of places that sell these things and interpreted for me. They would say things like, “Its weebly wobble is hardcore but it lets you down a bit on the thumpity magna” and I would think, “uh huh…” and Raven would say, “You want the thumpity bit. Here, listen to this.” And then I would bliss-out on the drum beats for a while.

Then there were a parade of boxes and velvet bags and gloves (gloves!) and Rick cabled them up for me (because he is a god among men) and…

Me: Can you make it stop doing that? It feels like it’s liquifying my brain.
Rick: You did want a subwoofer, right?
Me: Yes, but not at an overwhelming bass hum like that.

And now everyone is thankful that I mostly only crank them during the day when the houses around us are empty and no one is around to critique my taste in music. Except Paul.*

Paul S: Noise complaint!
Me: Really? Oh. You mean there isn’t any?
Paul S: Exactly.


* Okay, and every other person who has decided at some point to work at my house instead of wherever else it is they normally do. It is a loud work environment, but a fun one. Sometimes there are cookies!


Posted in: Kandace, Research