The Death and Rebirth of my Life/Work/Writing/Soul/Addiction

Posted on 20/03/2012 by


Okay, today, today I love Apple. I think they are brilliant and wondrous and shiny. Which is a big step up from yesterday where I wanted to hit them with something heavy. There’s a lesson here — the highs are never quite as atmospheric until you’ve crawled through the gutter. Or something.

Cause see yesterday, ah yesterday… yesterday my dear Pan Narrans, my lovely, loveable long-suffering laptop decided that it’d had enough with this half-assed falling apart and was going to do it with a vengeance. It crashed three times in succession, informed me that it had unplugged its own hard drive and didn’t want to speak to it anymore and then refused to reboot no matter what I, the apple call center guys, or eventually, the apple genius bar guys did to it.

This was a low point.

My day that I had psyched myself up for — of writing query letters and organising submission packages and actually sending proposals to publishers — went up in smoke, replaced instead by me snarling a steadily louder stream of invective at Pan and Apple in general and resisting the urge to use a sledgehammer as a communication tool as I worked through the ‘goddamn it make my laptop work’ list until eventually the Apple guys said it was time to bring it in and beat them over the head with it. I may have been extrapolating that last part.

Black apple logo against split black and white background with the appearance of smoke rising off the the apple

Then I went to the dentist.*

By the time I arrived at the Apple store — barely on time for my appointment, having shredded another piece of technology on the way there in an unfortunate encounter with a fellow pedestrian — I was more at resigned despair than sledgehammer. But I took a certain amount of malicious pleasure in presenting Pan to the Apple guy and telling him sweetly that I would be delighted if he could just get it to turn on.

I did not smile when he failed to do so. But only because I have an excellent poker face.

He did eventually get it to speak to him and his little portable hard drive and then made the most delightful face when between one movement of the mouse and the next the hard drive disappeared and then refused to acknowledge that it even existed.

At this point the wonderful, brilliant, genius said, “You know what? I think it’s the cable between the hard drive and <that other thing> that’s causing the problem. So we’re going to replace that.” I nodded politely. And then he said the immortal words, “If you’d like, we can replace the hard drive too. Just in case.” I very calmly refrained from dragging him across the counter and hugging him and instead acknowledged that this might be for the best.

And then, and then I left it with them and the magnificent, spectacular, awesome godlike people, knowing how vital Pan is to my life/work/writing/soul/addiction called me back in an hour to say he was fixed and ready to pick up. Cue explosions of glee. Glitter sprayed everywhere. Fireworks. Okay, in my head. But there may have been an undignified squealing sound. You’ll never know as there was no one else there to verify it.

In any case. Apple — today is the day for appreciating them.


* That is a whole other post (that involves flattery, rock climbing and Stockholm syndrome) because if I just say, I had fun you will start to look at me funny, or take my temperature or something.


Posted in: Kandace