There is a particular entrance to Royal Perth Hospital that is ridiculously difficult to drive to from where I live. Monday marked the third time I attempted this feat. The first time I had a lot of fun with one way streets. The second time I found out that in addition to an unnecessarily large number of no-right-turn signs in that part of the city, there are also, at the most inconvenient places no-left-turn signs. Which I find entirely ridiculous.
That time, as I drove in a variety of irritating circles, I thought that this was one reason it would be handy to have children. You can lean on them to brave the insanity of such crusades without undue guilt.
I have since added this to my list of ‘slightly ridiculous reasons for having children’. People who try to convince me I want kids make suggestions for my list all the time. Of course, they generally don’t realise that’s what they’re doing, but that’s because people don’t think these things through.
I mean, sure, if I had kids they might be able to look after me in might old age. But then again, they might not. They could die. Or not know how to drive. They could move interstate or overseas. They could hate me. Or marry someone who hates me. They could join a cult. Or be really annoying. Or be completely unable to navigate the idiocy of certain city streets.
Luckily for my father, on Monday I marshalled the knowledge I had gained for my previous adventures and actually managed to arrange to be going the right way down the right street with only one somewhat questionable (but still legal) manoeuvre.
I was briefly ecstatic, only to realise I couldn’t park where I needed to and had to make another circuit to reach a place where I could. As I retraced my steps I entertained myself by trying to think of better reasons I might have for driving in circles. It’s a road rally. I’m doing laps. I have OCD. I have to do this three times before I park. This is all a rather elaborate computer game and I’m retrying the level.
I think ‘road rally’ would be best excuse. My real reason is simple, but not as much fun: My father is very, very strange. Most of the time we like that about him. When it lands him in hospital it’s slightly less charming.
My second circuit was slightly more scenic and also ever so slightly more legal and resulted in an entirely convenient parking solution. And my father turned out to be Not Dead and let me try his lemon pudding. All in all, I’ve decided to declare this level solved.
That means I have no reason to ever try it again. Right?