A Few Biscuits Short of a Cookie Jar

Posted on 30/07/2012 by

1


Me: I hate my book. It is a travesty made of terrible writing.
Arkem: That’s not true.
Me: How would you know? You haven’t even read it.
Arkem: Well it doesn’t sound like it would be true.
Me: That is a terrible basis for an argument.

I have apparently developed a brand new habit of typing words twice for no apparent reason. I’m proofing all the new sections of the book and while they are not rife with spelling mistakes or typos, and I have not jumped off the grammar train, I have taken to duplicating words in the middle of sentences without noticing. Because what I really needed was a fun new mental glitch.

At least I haven’t lost the ability to distinguish between there/their/they’re even though the spellchecker is doing its utmost to introduce doubt into my mind. I think it’s working on a policy of ‘challenge every iteration on the off chance you screwed it up’. Which, okay, kudos on the paranoia, I am usually behind that. But it’s beginning to annoy me.

And then there’s this.

“I think you did the right thing,” Asmodean added from behind her his voice, a note of what might be hope in his voice.

Which is atrocious for so many reasons I think I must have tripped and hit my head on the keyboard. And what the spellchecker has to say is: “Do you think maybe you’d like to use a semicolon instead of a comma after ‘voice’?” Head —> Desk. Because yes, clearly that’s the problem.

Or this:

Dial privately thought that anyone who wanted to be part of a mission as harebrained as this one was a few biscuits short of a cookie jar

And the grammar checker has highlighted ‘anyone’ and ‘a few biscuits short of a cookie jar’ and said, ‘Consider sentence structure’. Okay. I’m considering it. I’m considering why you highlighted those sections rather than the sentence at large. I’m not really coming up with anything.

At this point I think the spellchecker and I need to have a trial separation. We can both go away and not look at one another and think about what we’ve done. It can think about using logic and reason next time and I will think about not yelling at inanimate objects. I think it’s for the best.

Cookie jar shaped like the cookie monsters head, with the cookies in his mouth and a hand reaching up to feed him another cookie

This image has nothing to do with anything. But look! Cookie monster cookie jar!