Raven: How goes?
Me: I am writing extremely clever words. Well, funny words. Well, they’re making me laugh. Although I haven’t slept a lot lately, so. Yeah.
Turns out if you write things in your sleep and then forget about them you get the opportunity to read your own work as if someone else has written it. This may give you a low opinion of your ability to type but does give you the delightful opportunity to laugh at your own jokes without being completely narcissistic.
Also, when you are very sleepy your jokes may become more abstract if weirdly topical. Although the fact that I’m writing in the second person right now may be misleading. That statement may only apply to me. Or me last night.
Still. I’m pretty happy that asleep!Kandace seems entertaining given that conscious!Kandace is bibbling at bit. Okay, maybe more than a bit. Yesterday two separate people asked me if I was stoned. And then suggested that if they couldn’t tell the difference between sleepy, drunk or stoned that this was adequate proof that I was a closet alcoholic who was drunk constantly. I feel this is an unreasonable extrapolation given the evidence.
But they are correct that my head is not in the game. I keep trying to trick it, but it’s wily.
It’s been suggested that I should take the ditzy headspace and use it to write dialogue for my stupid characters. But I don’t really have stupid characters. Also I don’t think that would make for good reading.
Actually, when I’m stupid in the head I mostly flail or stare at the ceiling or write scenes that are pure dialogue with the characters being sarcastic at one another. Or drunk. I can write drunk when I’m out of it. Plot is the problem.
Although, you know, now that Wizards is probably just those first four hours I technically have a plot outline to follow. Although said outline is all of 186 words long and includes the phrase ‘you get the idea’, as though past!Kandace is making a rather poor attempt at convincing me that the word ‘drinks’ appearing three times in a sentence is in any way reasonable. She then used the word ‘traverse’ as a sop towards the idea that I have a vocabulary, something that is no way evident in any of the other 185 words, which are largely made up of sentences that are only three or four words long. Am now wondering how tired I was when I wrote that. Not that it matters. Sleep is an unnecessary adjunct to life. Clearly.
I haven’t slept. You can’t make me.